How women use kids as a weapon against husbands to get money.

I created this article to describe my current situation and give some tips to other men. I am divorcing my wife and she refuses me so see my son and uses him as weapon to get money. For last 10 years of living together, most of time she didn't work. Every time, I asked her what is she going to do, I never got answer. I was ok with it and was happy to support my family. Personally, I am fine if wife is staying home and does something to help husband to maintain family, but some women do not want work on purpose. I started look at this problem and found some information:


How women use kids as excuse.

I found very good article about some women, who don't want work and use kids as excuse:
http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/01/15/excuses-your-wife-uses-for-not-working/
here is one part from it:

Some woman never wanted to support herself. She played at working as a plan B, trying this and that, until plan A (that would be you) gave her a way out. For some women having a child was a reason to stop working.
Her real goal has always been to have someone take care of her financial and material needs. Ironically, this is also the type of woman who complains bitterly about you working too much and not spending enough time with her or the kid(s).
Just to get you off her back, she may take a very part-time job answering phones, being a “designer,” or volunteer work, but she has no real career aspirations beyond being a dilettante.

Some comments from article above:
1) One guy is talking about his friend: Now they are divorced and he’s sending her $5000 a month (for child support, tax free to her of course) and she still complains. No matter what he does, she is unhappy, blames him for her miserable life and unfortunately, unloads all of her distress on the children. She is very manipulative and uses the kids to try to control him and indeed, throughout their marriage, that was the main issue: she was always trying to control him.

2) I don’t think it’s the man’s responsibility to support another, educated adult who is capable of working. I think it is the couple’s responsibility to support each other and any children they create.

Here is another article, which describes women, who use kid as a weapon (such women have complex):
http://www.shrink4men.com/2011/05/17/does-your-wife-or-ex-wife-have-a-golden-uterus-complex-15-characteristics-of-the-golden-uterus/
some statements from that article above:

Once you have sex with a such woman, she owns you for life. She believes that if she gave birth to your children, you are “connected for life.” She should always come first (even if you’ve both remarried) and YOU OWE HER until death you do part.
This also applies to the children. She wields guilt over their children with staggering virtuosity. “I am your mother. I carried you for 9 months. No one will ever love you like I do. No one will ever break our bond. No one will ever come between us. I CARRIED you in my WOMB for NINE months. YOU can NEVER do that for me.” (I heard many times statement from my wife: "I had being sitting for 2 years with our kid. It is your turn now.")
Such woman uses motherhood as an excuse. “Becoming a ‘mother’ is the her excuse for EVERYTHING. She can’t work because ‘mothers don’t work.’ My husband HAS to give her all of his money because she’s the mother of his ONLY child. She lost all identity as a woman and used becoming a mother as her free ride in life”.
Even after their children are in school full-time, she still uses the kids and being a mother as an excuse not to work outside the home and often not to work inside the home. “You have no idea how stressful it is being a mom.” Um, the kids are in school all day. What do you do with your time? “You always minimize all the hard work I do. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.”
Um, the breakfast dishes are still in the sink when I get home from work in the evening. The laundry is piled up and the kids haven’t done their homework. What did you do all day? “HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME. I’m THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN!”


What can you do if the mother of your children has such complex?

There’s nothing you can do to change her. Nothing. She’s highly unlikely to see the light and morph into a reasonable human being and good mother. Your goal, as with all high-conflict abusive types, should be containment. You accomplish containment through establishing iron-clad boundaries. Learn to say no and then practice deafening your ears to the caterwauling.
Don’t let her use your children as an extortion mechanism. Don’t allow the children to view you as a human ATM machine. In other words, don’t reward your children’s bad behavior with money, gifts, trips and other goodies, otherwise, they will view you the same way that their mother does. I know many fathers are desperate for time with their children and use toys and expensive entertainment as bait. Trust me, this is not the relationship you want with your children. It’s a quick path to time with them, but it’s an unhealthy and impermanent one.
Decide exactly how much bad behavior you’re willing to tolerate from your ex and what offenses you want to pursue in court. Forget about co-parenting with a such woman; it’s next to impossible. You will be less frustrated if you try to parallel parent. A such woman will undermine you at nearly every turn. Expect it and plan for it.

About my current personal situation

I am a good parent, who always cared about family but one day this happened: 1st April - Fools' day or how my wife sent me to jail

I menationed at the beginning of this article that I am divorcing with my wife and she is refusing me to see my son. I mean she is not letting even communicate with him at all - no phone calls, no pictures. I have full right to be with my son and my son has full right to be with me. I love my son and he loves me. It is very hard for me - adult, but what about kid? The law is working the way, so you have to hire lawyer in such situations. What I am doing now, is trying to get family court order to see my son. Government shouldn't close its eyes on such problems. It is abnormal when kid leave in the same city with parents and cannot see both or one of them. Both parents should participate in kids' life even after divorce. I very hope that will get court order to see son.

I simply want my son spend time with me and I want make his live brighter.
It is almost end of August and school time is on the horizon, so he needs to be ready for that.
It means that clothes and school accessories should be bought for him. Hockey season is coming too (my son plays hockey - Vaughan hockey league) and it is a time to make registration for hockey league and by equipment. But how?? He grew up and I don't even know his size..... I don't even know will my wife bring him for hockey games or not.

Every year my son has dental examination. I called to dental office and explained them situation that I can bring deposit for services and asked them to call to my wife about it, so she can bring him and doctor could check his teeth. My wife simply refused appointment.????? I don't even know what to do.

Interesting fact about people around me: Everybody is interested in what is going on in my criminal and divorce cases - it is no more than entertainment for them. Everybody is giving advices, which would never do it by himself being in my situation. Everybody sorry for what is going with my son and me, but trying not be involved in it. People, who could talk to my wife is not aware of it anymore. Looks like it is expected and it is normal for the society. People are talking about friendly environment and good society at TV and newspapers, people even care about poor kids in Africa. What about our own kids? Why do you think that it is normal to isolate kid from his father just because wife wants money or she is angry at husband?

I had many discussions people around me and was shocked that some of them think like "Many people do such thing as your wife to have power on husbands. Why don't you give her money and she will give you son? You are the man!!!".  What I understood that money it is the main reason why she is not giving my son to me. Actually, there is another reason - she is angry at me regarding my articles (I made comment below about it), but I think it is her cover (some kind of protection from people's bad opinion about her). I even asked "what if I don't have money? What if became poor? What if my son simply wants see me and I want see him? What about kid's soul? Why do you measure everything in money only?..." - I didn't get answer.

Looks like nowadays people think about money only. There is nothing saint anymore.
I don't have problems to support my son financially and happy to do it, but my wife should start think about live on her own. My wife is playing role of a poor mom now, who doesn't have money even to feed our son. She simply uses him to make public opinion against me. She knows that if my son would be with see me one a week, he would be happy and I would supply him with what he needs, but she is keep doing that bad thing because she needs money but not food. She doesn't even think about kid.

My wife knows that my son will be happy with me and cannot accept it. She told my friends that normal people should support their families - I totally agree on that, but can only tell that there is no our family anymore - she ruined it. There is only my son and me - it is my family now. I would do anything to make his life easier, but will never support her as before. I am send child support via my lawyer on monthly basis and putting money to my son's personal bank account. I asked many times my wife before to sell the house, put all money to son's account and I would support my wife for a while. I understand that life is a challenge and if we couldn't live together, let’s give everything to kid and start new life. She didn't accept my offer - she wanted to have money in her pocket. She already hired lawyer and those money will be paid off from the house sell. It means that son will get nothing.

The problem is that my wife is not working or may be working but it is not enough for her life style and expects me to supply her money desire. I feel that even if I start give her money, in half a year she will tell me that it is not enough and will do the same thing as now - do not let me see my son. I have read many forums and articles - people are confirming that in many cases women do exactly the same thing as I described. I talked with my wife, before our family got into the problem, about here unemployment, so I asked her to start look for job and be independent in financial aspect. I told her many times that If you don't work in Canada, even if we split property by 50/50, it will be zero in less one year (It has only 50k in downpayment). My point was: "You should be independent and be able maintain yourself and son if you want live separated, especially with kid" - She sent me to jail instead of it.


What advices you can hear from people around you?

1) Make her bad in front of law because she is using your kid against you.
2) Give everything (money) to her and forget her.
3) Be strong - everything will be fine (common advice - very generic. It is the same as somebody is cutting your hand and telling you - relax, everything will be fine).
4) You guys hate each other and there is only one solution is to change yourself - start respect her and give her money.

I can only say that almost none of these advices above work for me.

1) I don't want make anything bad for her because it will affect kid. I simply want participate in my kid's life.
2) I don't want support person, who fck.d me up.
3) I am trying to be strong, but my hurt is broken. As for fine days, by statistic it takes up to 3 years to forget about it for adults, but can affect whole kid's life.
4) I will never respect person, who betrayed me. I read many articles about how after divorce husbands start play actor's role, looks like they have been changed their feelings to her ex-wife.
There is only one reason for that - see their kids. As for me, I don't want to have fake feelings.

P.S.

As for articles about my personal situation: I heard many advices to remove everything what I wrote, related to my wife - it makes our relations even worse. First of all, I am writing about my life - facts and my thought. Second: there is no relations with my wife anymore. I am not going live forever. May be it is the only one chance to say something. I heard recently one guy who talked with his wife, who didn't give him to see his daughter for 8 months - I heard only fck...s. Women, please, do not do mistakes, you should understand that kids need to see their fathers who can care about them, so kids will fill life support.

Framework 4.0 - XmlSerializer vs DataContractSerializer. Prepare class for serialization. Performance.

Serialization is the process of persisting data structure or object state. You can persist object state to file, database, memory, ..... XML is the common format to transfer data between systems.
You can find in internet many articles about different serializers. I will review 2 common: XmlSerializer and DataContractSerializer. DataContractSerializer was proposed by Microsoft as new faster way to persists objects - It used in WCF. Based on tasks you have to be ready to use one or another, or both. Before use these serializers you should understand how class will be persisted.
For some security reasons, you will probably need hide some class properties before send class to client, such as financial data. In this article I will describe how to do it and will review persistence to file only.

Prepare class for serialization.

If you use Framework 4.0, you don't have to make any special preparations for serialization, but if you want have control on serialization, you should mark class and it's properties with special attributes.
Here is a sample, which prove that you don't have to do anything, but result will be different in every serialization method. Here is sample with Xml Serializer:
Let's say you want serialize following class:

    public class Order
    {
        public string sId = "test";
        public string CustomerId { get; set; }
        public string OrderId { get; set; }
        public int TrackingId { get; set; }
        public System.DateTime DateCreated { get; set; }
        public Enums.OrderStatus Status { get; set; }
    }

class initialization:

            //try create object and serialize it
            Order order = new Order();
            order.CustomerId = "1902";
            order.Status = OrderStatus.Completed;
            order.DateCreated = System.DateTime.UtcNow;
            order.TrackingId = 100;

1) Use XmlSerializer

following code you can use to serialize class to external file:

System.Xml.Serialization.XmlSerializer sr0 = new System.Xml.Serialization.XmlSerializer(order.GetType());
using (System.Xml.XmlWriter writer = System.Xml.XmlWriter.Create(@"c:\order_100.xml"))
{
    sr0.Serialize(writer, order);
    writer.Close();
}

a) class without serialization attributes and save it to file. All public properties and variables will be serialized by default.
code above will generate following xml:

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<Order xmlns:xsi="http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema-instance" xmlns:xsd="http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema">
  <sId>test</sId>
  <CustomerId>1902</CustomerId>
  <TrackingId>100</TrackingId>
  <DateCreated>2011-08-23T01:44:29.6794597Z</DateCreated>
  <Status>Completed</Status>
</Order>

b) if you use XmlSerializer and want control on serialization you should mark class as [Serializable].
If you want exclude some properties from serialization, you should mark them with [System.Xml.Serialization.XmlIgnore].
If you want property as an xml attribute instead of xml element during serialization, you can use [System.Xml.Serialization.XmlAttribute(....)]

    [Serializable]
    public class Order
    {
        public string sId = "test";
        public string CustomerId { get; set; }
        [System.Xml.Serialization.XmlElement(IsNullable = true)]
        public string OrderId { get; set; }
        [System.Xml.Serialization.XmlIgnore]
        public int TrackingId { get; set; }
        [System.Xml.Serialization.XmlAttribute("OrderDate")]
        public System.DateTime DateCreated { get; set; }
        [System.Xml.Serialization.XmlElement("OrderStatus")]
        public Enums.OrderStatus Status { get; set; }
    }

In the result you will get following xml:

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<Order xmlns:xsi="http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema-instance" xmlns:xsd="http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema" OrderDate="2011-08-23T16:10:14.3406181Z">
  <sId>test</sId>
  <CustomerId>1902</CustomerId>
  <OrderStatus>Completed</OrderStatus>
</Order>

As you can see, TrackingId was excluded from the xml, DateCrated became as an attribute with name OrderDate, Status was renamed to OrderStatus, OrderId doesn't have assigned value but xml node appears in xml.

2) use DataContractSerializer

You can use following code to serialize class:

System.Runtime.Serialization.DataContractSerializer sr1 = new System.Runtime.Serialization.DataContractSerializer(order.GetType());
using (System.Xml.XmlWriter writer = System.Xml.XmlWriter.Create(@"c:\order_100_dc.xml"))
{
    sr1.WriteObject(writer, order);
    writer.Close();
}

a) class is not marked with any serialization attributes
The result will be:

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<Order xmlns:i="http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema-instance" xmlns="http://schemas.datacontract.org/2004/07/PerformanceTest.Serialization.BLL">
  <CustomerId>1902</CustomerId>
  <DateCreated>2011-08-23T04:16:08.4371221Z</DateCreated>
  <OrderId i:nil="true" />
  <Status>Completed</Status>
  <TrackingId>100</TrackingId>
  <sId>test</sId>
</Order>

As you can see, it is pretty same result, but xmlns contains project workspace. There is one more difference - public variable at the end of the xml.

b) use the same class as in 1b):

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<Order xmlns:i="http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema-instance" xmlns="http://schemas.datacontract.org/2004/07/PerformanceTest.Serialization.BLL">
  <_x003C_CustomerId_x003E_k__BackingField>1902</_x003C_CustomerId_x003E_k__BackingField>
  <_x003C_DateCreated_x003E_k__BackingField>2011-08-23T04:21:49.8596503Z</_x003C_DateCreated_x003E_k__BackingField>
  <_x003C_OrderId_x003E_k__BackingField i:nil="true" />
  <_x003C_Status_x003E_k__BackingField>Completed</_x003C_Status_x003E_k__BackingField>
  <_x003C_TrackingId_x003E_k__BackingField>100</_x003C_TrackingId_x003E_k__BackingField>
  <sId>test</sId>
</Order>

Instead of clean xml element names you can see _x003C_, _x003E etc. This is DataContractSerializer pattern. you still can see that public variable sId is visible as it was.

c) To have full control on class serialization with DataContractSerializer, you should mark class with [DataContract] and every property, which will be serialized with [DataMember]. If you mark class with [DataContract] only, none of properties will be serialized.
for example, if you want serialize sId, CustomerId and OrderId, you have to mark class as follows:

    [DataContract]
    public class Order
    {
        [DataMember]
        public string sId = "test";
        [DataMember]
        public string CustomerId { get; set; }
        [DataMember]
        public string OrderId { get; set; }
        public int TrackingId { get; set; }
        public System.DateTime DateCreated { get; set; }
        public Enums.OrderStatus Status { get; set; }
    }

In the result you will get following XML:

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<Order xmlns:i="http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema-instance" xmlns="http://schemas.datacontract.org/2004/07/PerformanceTest.Serialization.BLL">
  <CustomerId>1902</CustomerId>
  <OrderId i:nil="true" />
  <sId>test</sId>
</Order>

DataContract attribute has overloads, where you can specify namespace.

d) can be class marked both with [Serializable] and [DataContract]?. The answer is yes:
It is used when you have heterogeneous systems with different clients. Some clients can use XmlSerializer and some DataContractSerializer.

    [DataContract(Namespace = "http://Supplier1.org/OMS/Order")]
    [Serializable]
    [System.Xml.Serialization.XmlRoot(Namespace = "http://Supplier1.org/OMS/Order")]
    public class Order
    {
        [DataMember]
        public string sId = "test";
        [DataMember]
        public string CustomerId { get; set; }
        [DataMember]
        [System.Xml.Serialization.XmlElement(IsNullable = true)]
        public string OrderId { get; set; }
        [System.Xml.Serialization.XmlIgnore]
        public int TrackingId { get; set; }
        [System.Xml.Serialization.XmlAttribute("OrderDate")]
        public System.DateTime DateCreated { get; set; }
        [System.Xml.Serialization.XmlElement("OrderStatus")]
        public Enums.OrderStatus Status { get; set; }
    }

Attributes will be applied based on what serialization method do you use. XmlDataContractSerializer will first look at [DataContract] attribute. If there is no such it will check if [Serializable] is specified and check for [System.Xml.Serialization.....] attributes. If there is no any attributes - default behaviour will be applied. I will describe it later, but it plays very important role when you have many back-end systems with the same class. For example, you have different product supplies and every product supplier has its own order management system. The problem is that every system uses object with the same name - order. To separate it somehow, you should use different namespaces.

Here is a sample how you can do it for DataContractSerializer (OMS - order management system):

[DataContract(Namespace = "http://Supplier1.org/OMS/Order")]

[DataContract(Namespace = "http://Supplier2.org/OMS/Order")]

The same result you can achieve for XmlSerializer by using XmlRoot attribute:

[System.Xml.Serialization.XmlRoot(Namespace = "http://Supplier1.org/OMS/Order")]

[System.Xml.Serialization.XmlRoot(Namespace = "http://Supplier2.org/OMS/Order")]

Deserialization

There is nothing special in this section:
1) Deserialization object from file by using XmlSerializer

Order order = null;
System.Xml.Serialization.XmlSerializer sr2 = new System.Xml.Serialization.XmlSerializer(typeof(Order));
using (System.Xml.XmlReader reader = System.Xml.XmlReader.Create(@"c:\order_100.xml"))
{
    order = (Order)sr2.Deserialize(reader);
}

2) Deserialization object from file by using DataContractSerializer

Order order = null;
System.Runtime.Serialization.DataContractSerializer sr3 = new System.Runtime.Serialization.DataContractSerializer(typeof(Order));
using (System.Xml.XmlReader reader = System.Xml.XmlReader.Create(@"c:\order_100_dc.xml"))
{
    order = (Order)sr3.ReadObject(reader);
}

3) Actually there is one special thing:
If your object was serialized by old framework with special characters your xml could look like this:

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<Order xmlns:xsi="http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema-instance" xmlns:xsd="http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema">
  <CustomerId>&#xB;</CustomerId>
  <OrderId>0</OrderId>
  <DateCreated>2011-08-11T16:48:44.9546066Z</DateCreated>
  <Status>Completed</Status>
</Order>

xml contains special symbol "0xb", which is not acceptable by XML standard. In ideal world it should be encoded as "".

No matter what method do you use you will get something like this:
"There was an error deserializing the object of type ........ ' ', hexadecimal value 0x0B, is an invalid character. Line 1, position ...."

There is a solution from Microsoft - use serializer settings XmlWriterSettings with option CheckCharacters during deserialization. Some people write xml parsers, before pass it to deserialization function.

Performance

I created simple application to make 5000 serializations to local file for both serializes.
Here is result:

Not bad for DataContractSerializer!

How to improve XmlSerializer performance?

There is one method to do it - you have to make serialization dlls by using sgen tool.
Otherwise runtime will use temporary folder to build it. If you have multithread application, it will do it again again and again, which will involve disk IO. I prefer update VS project, which contains classes to be serialized, so every time you make build it will generate such dlls. To do it you have to right mouse click on project and select "Unload project" in popup menu

right mouse click and select "Edit <project name>"

I simply edit project definition with this text an the end of file, right before </Project>:

  <Target Name="GenerateSerializationAssembliesForAllTypes" DependsOnTargets="AssignTargetPaths;Compile;ResolveKeySource" Inputs="$(MSBuildAllProjects);@(IntermediateAssembly)" Outputs="$(OutputPath)$(_SGenDllName)">
    <SGen BuildAssemblyName="$(TargetFileName)" BuildAssemblyPath="$(OutDir)" References="@(ReferencePath)" ShouldGenerateSerializer="true" UseProxyTypes="false" KeyContainer="$(KeyContainerName)" KeyFile="$(KeyOriginatorFile)" DelaySign="$(DelaySign)" ToolPath="$(SGenToolPath)">
      <Output TaskParameter="SerializationAssembly" ItemName="SerializationAssembly" />
    </SGen>
  </Target>
  <Target Name="BeforeBuild">
  </Target>
  <Target Name="AfterBuild" DependsOnTargets="GenerateSerializationAssembliesForAllTypes">
  </Target>

After you saved file, right mouse click on project and select "Reload project"

Rebuild project and open output folder.
If you class library project name is "PerformanceTest.Serialization.BLL" you will see
PerformanceTest.Serialization.BLL.dll and extra one dll, generated by sgen:
PerformanceTest.Serialization.BLL.XmlSerializers.dll (this dll will be used by xmlSerializer to serialize and deserialize objects). By generating that dll you will prevent process to use temp folder to build it during runtime.

August 2011 - Paper demand as source of human health problems and the environment destruction

It is very popular nowadays to use paper towels and napkins. First time it was suggested by Arthur Scott in 1932. Since then it is very popular. Many people think that is healthier and eco-friendly - it depends on many factors. When you buy paper towels (any paper products), make sure you see "Chlorine Free" label. But, even "Chlorine Free" has a difference - I will describe it below.

Paper manufacture

I was born in small town with name Ust-Ilimsk. It has city base manufacture - wood industrial complex (pulp mill).

Pulp mill is a manufacturing facility that converts wood chips or other plant fibre source into a thick fibre board which can be shipped to a paper mill for further processing.
I visited that manufacture many many times. Every time I approached to that manufacture I felt very bad smell - the smell of chlorine. Every employee had to pass safety instruction what to do if there is smell of chlorine - leave that place as soon as possible. It smells like very expired eggs and it is poison gas.
Chlorine gas is used by wood industrial complex to bleach paper.
The bleaching process used to whiten products, particularly paper, paper products, and tissue products. Chlorine used in manufacturing processes affects not only the environment but also human health as well.
Up until the late 1990s, chlorine was the chemical of choice for bleaching paper in the kraft pulping process, which produces almost all printing and office papers, as well as tissue products, along with some types of packaging. Not only does chlorine get paper fibers very white, it also pulls out and binds with lignins (the structural cells in the tree that cause paper to deteriorate).
However, when chlorine bonds chemically with carbon-based compounds (such as lignins),
it produces dioxins and toxic pollutants, such as organochlorines and dioxins (are some of the most toxic substances ever created).

When released into water, dioxin do not break down.
Dioxin, even when released in miniscule amounts, bioaccumulates as it moves up the food chain,
reaching its highest concentration in humans, where it is increasingly linked to cancers as well as endocrine, reproductive, nervous and immune system damage. Dioxin known as TCDD has been classified by the International Agency for Research on Cancer and the EPA as a known human carcinogen. Here is link to the article, regarding cancer: Putting the Breast Cancer/Chlorine Connection on Paper

Chlorine gas is very poisonous and idea to use it as a weapon came in 1915 during First World War. You can find more details here: Weapons of War - Poison Gas

Nowadays, some people mix bleach and vinegar to lowers the pH of bleach to make better disinfectant, but it releases toxic chlorine gas. It would take about 10 mg/m3 of Chlorine Gas to kill someone in a painful matter. So, if you room were 10sqm large than you’ll need to have a gas ratio of 1000 mg/room. So you’ll have to get roughly about 2 bottles of bleach and mix that with Vinegar in a 1:1 ratio
should fill your room with a mist of 10 mg/m3 of chlorine Gas in your room.

Environment pollution

According to a Canadian citizens organization,
"People need paper products and we need sustainable, environmentally safe production.
The amount of paper and paper products is enormous, so the environmental impact is also very significant. It has been estimated that by 2020 paper mills will produce almost 500,000,000 tons of paper and paperboard per year. By statistic, to produce 1 ton of printing and office paper needed 24 trees. If you use recycled paper you can save ~12 trees.
More accurate calculations you can find here:
http://www.conservatree.org/learn/EnviroIssues/TreeStats.shtml

As for environmental pollution, Pulp and paper is the third largest industrial polluter to air, water, and land in both Canada and the United States, and releases well over 100 million kg of toxic pollution each year. There is Government web site, which has numbers for 2009 in Canada:
http://ec.gc.ca/pdb/websol/emissions/ap/ap_result_e.cfm?year=2009&substance=all&location=CA&sector=&submit=Search


Scientists plans

What scientists suggested to reduce chlorine usage in paper manufacture is to bring new methods of bleaching paper. Debates started in 80s to use chlorine free manufacture. Best option is TCF - common paper marketing terminology uses several phrases:

Elemental Chlorine

A chemical gas that brightens paper fibers and removes lignins. It binds with carbon-based compounds (such as trees) to produce dioxins and toxic pollutants.

Elemental Chlorine Free (ECF)

Uses a chlorine compound, most often chlorine dioxide, that significantly reduces dioxins but does not eliminate them. Paper companies using ECF often say that dioxin is "nondetectable" in their wastewater. This refers only to the sensitivity of prescribed tests, and does not necessarily mean there are no dioxins. State-of-the-art tests are often able to detect dioxins when prescribed tests find them nondetectable. Some ECF mills go beyond simply bleaching with chlorine dioxide. If they have added "extended delignification" and do part of their processing with ozone or oxygen or other non-chlorine brighteners, they can further reduce their potential for producing dioxins.

Process Chlorine Free (PCF)

Uses only non-chlorine bleaching processes, including oxygen, peroxide and ozone bleaching systems. Eliminates dioxins and chlorinated toxic pollutants by not producing them in the first place.

Totally Chlorine Free (TCF)

Uses totally chlorine free processing and includes recycled content.
Both the recycled fiber and any virgin fiber must be bleached without chlorine or chlorine compounds.


What is in reality

In Europe, paper mill started switch to ECF 20 years ago. And only now, under intense pressure from the EPA, U.S. mills have finally made switch to ECF. Meanwile, European countries, notably Germany, are hard at work transforming their paper mills into totally chlorine free (TCF) bleaching operations. The good news is that many recycled pulp mills in the US are using TCF processes. In any way, if you buy imported paper from Europe, you have more chances to buy TCF paper. So the bottom line is, if you request chlorine free paper, be sure the paper provider can tell you what they mean by “Chlorine Free”. Ask what is used in the bleaching process.

Paper Towel and Napkin Green Tips

1) Purchase paper towels made of 100 percent recycled materials.

There are two types of materials used in recycled paper products: Post-consumer fiber and recovered fiber. Post-consumer fibers come from paper that has already been used by the consumer and sent to recycling. Recovered fiber is from paper waste leftover in manufacturing, such as trim, scraps, unused stock. When you are buying recycled paper products, strive for 100 percent recycled paper with a minimum of 90 percent post-consumer materials. The higher the post-consumer percentage, the more paper is being saved from hitting the landfill. Usually, Totally Chlorine Free (TCF) paper towels and napkins are brown, and a very pretty brown at that.

2) Look for paper products that contain a minimum of 90 percent post-consumer waste.

3) Choose unbleached paper towels. If those are unavailable, opt for process chlorine free (PCF) next, or elemental chlorine free (ECF) as a last choice

How to check what paper product was made of and how?

I, personally, tried find detail information about paper products at packs and of course couldn't find what I was looking for. There are 2 sources, which you can use to find out true about product:

1) The Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC) provides a very useful guide for paper towels, toilet paper, tissues, neatly charting data on different brands of paper towel, covering three important points: the bleaching process, the percent recycled, and the percent of paper towel made from post-consumer waste.
http://www.nrdc.org/land/forests/gtissue.asp

2) There is another good resource - Green Peace.
Here is report by brands in Canada for 2010:
http://www.greenpeace.org/canada/Global/canada/report/2010/4/GP-Tissue_Guide_ENG_2010.pdf

I came to following conclusion:

Try use following brands:

• Cascades (Canadian Tire)
• Green Forest
• 365
• Seventh Generation

Try avoid following brands (they use ECF):

• Bounty
• Kleenex
• Life Brand (Shoppers Drug Mart)

Of course, my recommendations are based on current date. I hope that all companies will switch to more ecological methods of producing paper products in nearest future.


P.S.
Here is interesting fact about Shoppers Drug Mart. It has brand "Life Brand", which is old - try avoid it (it is in list above). Shoppers Drug Mart made made new brand, called "Bio*Life".

As you can see at picture, they are declaring that product is chlorine free. May be it is true, but
I couldn't find them at NRDC web site. They pack has also EcoLogo, but I couldn't find them at EcoLogo web site too ?????? :-) Let me know if somebody knows details about "Bio*Life" brand.

Get closer than 500 meters. My wife is preventing see my son.

I heard many stories in my life, but never thought that will not be able get closer than 500 meters to my son. It is happening with me now. Here is link to story about how it started:
1st April - Fools' day or how my wife sent me to jail

Today is 6th August 2011. I am on bail for more than 4 months already. My initial bail conditions prevented me from contacting and getting closer than 500 meters to my wife and her relatives, including my son. Police added bail condition regarding my son, because kid was home when I was yelling at my wife. It is against human rights - I mean do not see your own kids. I would understand it if I would be a bad father but it is wrong. I was always a good farther and love my kid.

I tried change bail conditions to see my son for almost 4 months and finally got it on 14th July 2011. My family lawyer said that probably it will not work for me. Based on her experience, many women play bad games with it - do not answer on phone rings or saying that they are busy.

My lawyer was right about it:
I had a court hearing on July 28th regarding my arrest on April 1st, so I had only 2 weeks to see my son. I was happy that my kid could spend a great time with me as before, so I took one day off at work (Friday), rented car, booked hotel at Niagara Falls, made plan to visit all interesting places for kid, such as Marine Land, water park, cinemas ....

Guess what - On Thursday night my surety called her to confirm suitable time on Friday to pick up kid, but my wife denied right to see him. I think she wanted to show me that she has super power against me.

The stupid thing about it is that my son would spend great time. She knew it, but she declined it. I am worrying about him now, because it is summer and in a past we spent a lot of time outside - camping, fishing.... My friends have kids of the same age and I always went to them, so my son could play there. We always spent good time. The sad part of it - in most cases without his mom (my wife was always "busy").

I very love my son and will do everything what is in my power to make my son's life better.
I cannot see him now, but keep transfer money to his personal account - it is the best thing, which I can do now.

Couple words to my son: He is 5.5 years old now and cannot read, but here is what I would tell him:

I always promised you that will be around and will always help you.
I cannot be with you right now, miss you a lot and also know that you miss me too.
I know we will meet one day and discuss many things.


P.S.
The painful point is that I don't know anything about my son - what he is doing, who he is playing with, what he eats. I have a feeling that will not be able to handle my wife's game for a long period of time. I keep fighting for the right to see him and participate in his life. I lost everything but my son stays the light in a dark in this life.